Funny Retirement Gifts

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National Free Planning Kit

November 15, 2017

Calendar with retirement date                                                                        Image Source: Flickr

Retirement marks the end of a substantial part of one’s life, and can therefore be a bittersweet occasion for everyone involved. But one thing retirement should never be is a time to be somber. 

First and foremost, retirement is a celebration. It’s a time to reflect on past achievements and look forward to a new way of life. Most importantly of all, it’s a time to poke a little good-natured fun at the retiree with a fantastic gag gift. 

Have You Considered a Funny Retirement Gift?

Retirement is actually the perfect time for a little light-hearted fun. Yes, the end of someone’s work life is a significant event and something worth commemorating, but there’s no better way to make it memorable than to take a humorous little jab at the retiree with an amusing or sarcastic gift. 

There are plenty of outrageous prank gifts to present to your retiree when he or she decides to hang up the work clothes for good, but we’ve picked out 5 of our favorite funny retirement gifts to make choosing one easier. Needless to say, you can’t go wrong with any of them. You know, as long as the person you’re honoring has a good sense of humor. 

And after we have some fun with the below list, we’ll also highlight a serious (and free) gift you should consider. 

1. An Unnecessary Rocking Chair

Rocking chairs                                                                                                Image Source: Wikimedia

Your favorite retiree might be in the best shape of their life, but it’s never too early to point out their inevitable physical decline with a good old-fashioned rocking chair. It might be a little too ‘right on the nose,’ but a rocking chair will never fall flat as a gag retirement gift. Besides, somebody’s gotta do it, right? 

 2. A Useless Inflatable Walker

Along the same lines as a rocking chair but even more ridiculous, an inflatable walker is another great way to razz your retiring friend with a funny gift that’s of no use to them. These oversized, blow-up walkers come in a number of silly designs and often have old-codger slogans printed on them. An inflatable walker is mildly insulting, completely useless, and will take up space in their living room until they get tired of looking at it. What’s not to like? 

3. A Funny Retirement Coffee Mug

Retirement coffee mug                                                                                                     Image Source: Wikipedia

Another great standby retirement funny gift is a coffee mug with a goofy slogan printed on it. You can choose from a huge array of colors, sizes, and styles, but the most important part of any retirement mug is the gag printed on the front. Consider some of these gems: 

  • ‘Goodbye Tension, Hello Pension’ 
  • ‘Retirement Swear Words’ 
  • ‘The Senility Prayer’ 
  • ‘The Happy Retirement Not-To-Do List’ 
  • ‘Under New Management’ 

Don’t see one you like here? Don’t worry — there’s more than enough snark out there and this is just a small sample of the ridiculousness you can find printed on a retirement coffee mug these days. You can also make your own! 

4.Bucket List Party Favor 

Now, this is a retirement gift that gets everyone in on the gag gift fun. A Bucket List Party Favor is a bucket that you can put near the entrance to the party, along with enough slips of paper for all the attendees to write a suggestion or two on and drop in the bucket for the retiree to read while they’re accepting their gifts. You won’t have any control over who writes what, but hopefully, they’ll be some silliness along with some truly great ideas. 

5. The ‘Who Cares’ Retirement Wall Clock

Last but not least, there’s the gag retirement wall clock. With slogans like ‘Who cares, I’m retired?’ and ‘Whatever, I’m retired,’ and numbers in all the wrong places, this is the perfect gift for someone who doesn’t have to be anywhere on time ever again. This one’s especially good if you’re jealous of all their newfound leisure time! 

Why Not a Burial Planning Kit? 

All right, we’ve had some laughs and given you a number of great ideas for gag retirement gifts, but now it’s time to have a look at something that a retiree might actually find useful. We’re talking about a burial planning kit, a guide on how to pre-arrange a burial (long) ahead of time, to ensure that everything’s done right when the time finally does come, well after all those items on the bucket list are complete.  

A burial planning kit is a great gift for people who like to plan ahead. And it’s probably something the retiree has never even considered before, but certainly will want to after.  

That’s because having a burial plan in place decades ahead eliminates a great deal of cost, confusion, and stress for the loved ones you or your retiree leaves behind. A burial plan will not only ensure that the person receives exactly the funeral he or she wants, it also prevents their loved ones from having to make hurried arrangements during an already difficult time. And because the purchaser can lock in a cost today and begin an installment plan, it avoids the added cost of decades of inflation. 

All in all, unlike an inflatable rocker, a burial planning kit is a surprisingly thoughtful gift. And it’s entirely free.  

So whether it’s for a retiree, a loved one, or yourself, please consider purchasing a burial plan in advance. That free burial planning guide will explain the whys, what’s, and how’s that are involved. There’s nothing more kind, loving, and conscientious you can do for yourself and your family than to take care of such a difficult task long before it’s necessary. But don’t forget that gag gift as well.